i am a people pleaser.

sometimes, it's just really hard to make everybody happy. am i the only one who gets stressed over this? i desperately want people to be happy and pleased with me. i want to say the right words at the right time to the right person, and when i say wrong words at the wrong time, it's really frustrating to me. i know i should give myself some grace sometimes, but seriously.... when someone is frustrated with me, i can't stand it. i want to make things right so badly sometimes that i overcorrect... i try to cover all my bases so efficiently and appologetically that sometimes people are like.... "charlotte. just forget it." and it's over. but i just wanted to do everything right. maybe i do appologize too much...but it's out of my own fear of disappointing someone, of letting someone down. i don't mean to applogize for who i am.... but sometimes all i wish for is to fit perfectly for someone else, and there's a tiny, fragile piece of me that longs to change to fit that ideal instead of having to appologize.

i want to fix things for people, even when it has nothing to do with me. i have no idea what inclines me to want this. not being able to fix things for people is heartbraking, especially people i love. i hate dealing with the fact that some things cannot be fixed... or that we have to wait on god to fix them. that is hard. sometimes, i get so caught up in genuinely wanting to make everything right that people have to stop me and tell me they don't WANT me to fix it. they just wanted to vent. i'm fine with this (sometimes i want this too!), and i only wish i could have better judgment about when someone wants help and when they just want to talk at me.

i want to be everything for everybody, and when i fail, i fall hard. i want to be perfect for certain people and good enough for everyone else... and when i don't measure up, it's hard. i wish everyone could know how sincere i am when i appologize...how much i really am sorry for every time i fail and how much i wish i could be better. i feel like i spend too much time worrying if people are mad at me: worrying if that K-9 police guy was going to pull me over for going 90 on the interstate to get to my friend's wedding (he didn't!), or if my neighbor is going to call my mom about her plants being dead because i kind of forgot to water them as much as she asked me to while she was gone....oops.... they're just plants!!! come on!!!! the list is endless! i mess up a lot. it kind of stinks. but i love people- a lot! does that count? for anything?

thank goodness jesus makes up for my shortcomings.